Tuesday, February 23, 2016

Double Life - Shaken, not stirred

The saddest thing about some people is the way they have chosen to betray and forget themselves, exercising this practice from their early years on to their adulthood up to the point when it turned natural.

Starting with the children forced by their parents (with the best of intentions in mind, of course) to attend countless courses and take part in oodles of activities during their early years, some if not all of which amounted to absolutely no result other than a burden on the child's shoulders and all the way down to the girls educated to believe their only purpose in life is to be married to someone and never let that go, regardless of the consequences…I cannot help but feel sorry for their loss (of time, self, identity, wishes, dreams etc) and denial.

I know a woman in her forties, fully accomplished as a chemical engineer, who emigrated to Australia in her twenties. Her father insisted for no apparent reason for her to become a ballerina. She was forced to take ballet lessons for 6 years that she does not remember fondly. She told me that all she wanted was to learn German but her father never approved because it was clearly not a girly, delicate language to learn. Instead she learned French that she hated and never used. To hell with that.

There are numerous cases of people I know who followed the career their parents deemed fit, never liking one day of it; men who never wanted to get married yet succumbed to peer/family pressure and engaged on a road salted with tears - their wives', lovers' or their own - never finding the courage within to be true to themselves and finally forget what anyone else says and be happy and free of a lifestyle that does not fit them, women (at least three that I know of right now) who take any sort of abuse from their spouses and would never consider leaving them because, in their world, it is simply not done (none in their families ever have, how could they?). To hell with that, too.

And I wonder why people find it easier to deal with excruciating pain and regret and yet tremble at the thought of a break from the old life and old ways that make them unhappy and dull? Why do some find it easier to create an inner rift, take up drinking, sleeping pills, absurd and expensive habits or create a full-blown double life, a parallel life altogether and perpetuate suffering endlessly when they can always turn things around? Why is it so easy to find excuses to hide behind and never find motivation to just do what makes you happy, whether it is a change of career, look, marital status or place to live?

Why is it easier to take the convoluted, heartbreaking, mind-numbing way and not break free? What sort of a world do we live in where useless self-torture and absurd martyrdom are turned into self-righteousness?

If you ask anyone whether they'd prefer to have one finger crushed daily for the rest of their lives or have it amputated once and be rid of all the problems and pains with just the need for time to heal and a scar to tell the story - what would they answer?! How can anyone not be afraid of a lifetime of unhappiness but be scared soulless of one moment in their lives?...To hell with this as well.

I do not believe in double truths. On one side there always grins a lie while one exists instead of living.

So let us order a Double Life…straight up. The one we have we treat as if it is nothing more than a first take in making a movie. Perhaps there is a "take two". Or perhaps not.

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